You work out of a Hotel?
i was born a porn star she said
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
