just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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