how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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