Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
