I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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