He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
