When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
