dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have aggressive nipples.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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