i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
