Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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