I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
