Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
