hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
