how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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