how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
