It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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