That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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