Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
