i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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