Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
