haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
