she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
