My nipple is on Facebook.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
