I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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