I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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