Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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