He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
