she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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