That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
