I was born with a shot glass in my hand
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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