lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
