tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
