My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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