pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
