ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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