I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
