and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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