The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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