If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
