if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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