You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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