I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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