what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
