Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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