need another drink. this is the easiest way
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
