this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
