apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
