he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
