Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
