My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
