Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
