I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
