you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize