Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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