'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
