She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
