There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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