you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
