I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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