if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My penis needs a shock collar
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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