it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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