I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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