great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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