I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
