I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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