I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize