it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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