My cat gives me a boner
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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