drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
