He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
