don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
