I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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