Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
