totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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