He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
